NO TIME FOR SECRETS

                            Written by Ella Mae Rayner, RN
                                             

“She doesn’t know how to balance a check book”.  “He has no idea what is needed to run the house”.  These are statements I have heard for many years from my friends.  The people who say them think it is funny, but I cringe to think of the results if “the thought to be incompetent one” suddenly becomes the caretaker.

Imagine what skills this person must learn in a month or two to maintain the family.  There are checkbooks and banks to find and identify as well as learn how they function.  Insurance papers for life, health, and fire must be found, many of which are locked in the safety deposit box in the bank.  What bank?  Where are the keys?

Every time the mailman arrives there are more bills that must be paid.  There are credit cards, utility bills, loan payments, car payments, and insurance payments.  They just keep flowing in.

Suddenly becoming a caregiver is stressful.  Can you imagine the difficulty digesting all the information and procedures to run a household at the same time one has to learn all the new medical terms or procedures required to care for a stricken spouse.

You can solve this problem by sharing what you know and do with your spouse.  Take time to review the monthly bills together.  Sit down together and write a budget so the spouse knows all the costs of maintaining the household and about the income provided to cover these costs.

Review together the life insurance policies, health care policies, disability insurance, living wills and wills.  Both of you should know where they are kept and if they are locked away, where is the key?  Also be sure the name of the agent is with each document in case one of you needs to make contact.  If there are stock accounts or investments, share this information with your spouse.  If the spouse doesn’t want to learn or become involved in stocks and investments, speak to a trusted broker or relative that can handle the accounts or convert them for your spouse’s use.  Be sure the spouse has this person’s name and telephone number and knows what they are to do – manage or convert.

If one spouse doesn’t know how to balance a checkbook or write a check, take time to explain the system and teach them the fundamentals.  If this is impossible, have the inept one take a class on basic money matters.

Transportation is a big part of our life. Each spouse should know about basic car care or at least the name of a trusted mechanic or garage for service.  Big item appliances such as furnace, air conditioner, refrigerator, etc. always need service at the wrong time.  Review these items together and be sure both of you know who to contact for repairs.

As the two of you begin to share possible caregiver information, I’m sure you will find other information that each of you should know.  Life is slower now.  Do take the time to share and prepare.