Caring – A
Labor Of Emotion Research by the National Family Caregiver Association and the National Alliance for Caregiving has shown that people caring for ill or disabled loved ones don’t see themselves as part of a national community, but simply as individuals who are good parents, spouses, children etc., doing what comes naturally when a relative or friend is unable to care for themselves. As we wait for the healthcare system to recognize the impact of family caregiving and the need to do something about it, we need to work simultaneously to get family caregivers to recognize that they are at risk and that failing to acknowledge their severe stress will undermine their own health and, in turn, their ability to provide good care. It is so important for caregivers to become aware that they may have feelings due to their difficult role and to know that these feelings are quite normal.
Caregivers do so much for their loved ones. Some of the tasks include, bathing, dressing, cleaning, shopping, and the list goes on. Caregivers come in all ages, male or female, and in all income levels. Some caregivers are automatically put in the caregiver role. This can be seen in the child who is now caring for their parent. Below, I have listed 10 feelings common to caregivers. All of these are normal. Often, caregivers will not speak out from embarrassment for having these feelings. But, it is important for us to know these feelings, and to ensure others, that they are a normal part of caregiving. 1. Helplessness Caregivers often feel helpless because of their loved one's condition. Caregivers cannot change the illness and sometimes cannot make the illness better. Caregivers often give all they have to help those they love, but yet they still may feel that what they are doing is not enough. It is important for caregivers to realize that by doing the best they can is indeed helping their loved ones. They cannot possibly change the events that have taken place, but can learn to work with them. 2. Anger Caregivers may feel anger, but it is not necessarily directed at their loved one. Instead, it is at the situation that they are now put in. This is very common and if we look at all that caregivers have to go through, it is quite understandable that anger is a natural feeling for a caregiver. Caregivers often have to give up some of their lives in order to care for their loved ones. This can be seen in the child who is now caring for a parent. These caregivers have their own families and now they have to split the time between their family and their parent. I have seen caregivers who have had to quit their jobs in order to care for their loved ones. 3. Denial Caregivers may be in denial about their current role. "I will only have to care for mom for a few days" or "Dad's illness will go away soon." Also, they may be in denial about their feelings for fear of what others may think. 4. Overwhelmed
Caregivers may feel overwhelmed by the many tasks they perform day in and day out. Caregivers may express these feelings by saying, "I just can't do it anymore," "There isn't enough time in the day to get everything done," or "I am run down." Reach out! Help is only a phone call away. 5. Embarrassment Caregivers may feel embarrassed by a certain behavior their loved one may be expressing. This can especially be seen in loved ones with a dementing illness such as Alzheimer's. It is okay to feel embarrassed. But, also know that your loved one is not doing this behavior to intentionally embarrass you. It helps greatly to receive education on the process that physically takes place with Alzheimer’s so you will understand your loved ones circumstance. 6. Regret Caregivers may feel regret. "If I had only done this," or "What if I had said this instead of that?" It is human nature to have regrets. If we look back on our lives, I am sure we can all come up with different scenarios for situations we were in. That is why it is important to know that we do the best we can with what we are given. We cannot change things we have done in the past; we can only make things different from this point on. 7. Isolation Caregivers may feel like they are the only ones that can help their loved ones. Although they are the caregiver, it is crucial to become aware of programs in the community to help with the caregiving role. You do not have to be alone. For those fortunate enough to have family and friends that will help, accept the help. For those who do not have family and friends, look to the community or to reputable agencies. 8. Frustrated Caregivers may feel frustrated with the caregiving role, especially if the caregiver is the only one providing care for their loved one. Caregivers become frustrated for feeling frustrated, and frustrated for not being able to make things as they were. 9. Worry Caregivers worry about their loved ones. "Is this the right decision?" "Is there anything else I should be doing?" You do not have to go the distance alone! Call a professional in senior issues. I promise you are not the first to travel this path. 10. Guilt Caregivers may feel guilty because of having some or all of these feelings. They may feel guilty for feeling like they haven't done enough for their loved ones. One person can do only so much. Getting help will not only provide you some sanity, but your loved one will also be able to have the best care. CAREGIVER RIGHTS As a caregiver... "I have the right to ask for help when needed. I should not feel guilty about not being able to do it on my own. I can ask family members or professionals for assistance." "I have the right to seek help outside of my family. If I am unhappy with a program, I can remove my loved one." "I have the right to feel emotion. I may be depressed one day, but happy the next. I may cry today, but laugh tomorrow." "I have the right to enjoyment. This does not mean that I am not looking after my loved one. It means I need a break, so that I can better care for myself and for my loved one." "I have the right to find humor in situations. This does not mean that I am laughing at my loved one. It means I am making light of the situation." "I have the right to provide in-home care for my loved one for as long as possible. My Mom and Dad want to stay home, and I want them to be able to stay home. I can make changes at any time, so that my loved one can receive quality care." "I have the right to commend myself for this caregiving role. I am doing the best that I can." "I have the right to vent my frustrations. There is nothing wrong with joining support groups or seeking help from counselors."
...I have the right to be me. |